May 2008 - A Very Bad Boy

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A lot of people are afraid of dying. It's a fact. There have been many speculations on what happens next after you die. Others see a bright light. Others see a long dark tunnel. Others see 40 virgins waiting for them with nothing but Victoria Secret lingerie on while others see 10,000 mini burgers on a silver platter. I mean whatever works for you.

One thing is for sure. You, in a way, have a say on how you die. Take this fascinating story for example. Yes, he died while trying to prove he can spit further. There are a lot of ways to prove your manhood and I think 'spitting' isn't one of them. Leave the spitting to women. Seeing that they are coming from a bar and I'm pretty sure they're 100% wasted, this doesn't excuse them from being a dumbass. Here are better alternatives to prove your manhood:

1. Keeping count on how may times you got laid in a week

2. Counting and calling all the numbers you got in one night (to make sure they're legit)

3. Seeing how many would want to lick your balls (guys and animals included if you swing that way)

4. Zip down your fly and see which ones bigger

But I think an even worse way to die is you on a train or bus off to work then suddenly someone bombs the stinky public transport you're in while your iPod is in shuffle mode and a shitty song you don't like comes up. For example, U2's a beautiful day. First, you are on your way to a place you hate (office) to do something you also hate (job) to be with people who are idiots (co-workers). Next, your life sucks (public transport) and you are in the wrong place at the wrong time (bomb). It's a trifecta. Throw in a little salt to the wound with the song. Yes, it's life's way of telling you that by dying, you made today a beautiful day!

Hooray!

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A Very Bad Boy

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Posted By: Ron - Category: random thoughts

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i got a D? awesome!

May 16th 2008 05:54

judging by the date of my last post, it has been 2 years since i posted something here. i know you miss the substance that i put in each and every post that is well-thought of, carefully researched, and proof written by at least 1 dozen monkeys. so instead of apologyzing or lying, i mean giving, a reason why it's been that long, i will "write" something. writing is subject to reader discretion.

certain psychologists have found a very old 1930's test where you can rate your wife based on her performance on being, well you know, a wife. husbands give plus points to wives who ask for their husbands opinions, give good jokes, and serve meals on time. on the otherhand, minus points are given if they are slow in coming to bed, wear red nail polish, and is a back seat driver.

more below:

i don't know where to start. slow in coming to bed is at the top of the list for a reason. men come in less than a minute meaning women should to. equality right? if you're not done in 2 minutes or less then you are on your own sweetheart. i'm going to bed. wait, i think he has a different meaning with regards to the word coming. hmmmm

but as with all tests, this lacks a few important questions that are relevant to this day and age. there should be a few new ones added like:

- wears thongs on a daily basis (good)

- apprehensive to go on threesomes (bad)

- allows you to put and get it in wherever and whenever you want (very good)

- tells you to go to the grocery and go with her on shopping trips (bad)

- starts the conversation with a sigh and "we've go to talk..." (very bad)

but the real question is what will happen if your wife flunks? do you get rid of her and find you a new one? we should get a ruling on this. i think this should be given before you get married then do a performance evaluation every year just like in work.

"i want to give you your evaluation for this year. take a seat."

"you got a d. you have been underperforming this year. you need to step it up a notch. stop nagging me so much about the toilet seat. me giving you a bad score hurts me as much as it hurts you."

"that is all. you may leave."

so im thinking why limit it to only wives. we should get tests on your clingy girlfriend, your stick-up-his-ass professor, user-friendly friend, and your beer-bellied boss. then if they flunk, get rid of them.

if only the world is that simple.

A Very Bad Boy - May 2008

the best way to die

i got a D? awesome!