nonsense - A Very Bad Boy

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judging by the date of my last post, it has been 2 years since i posted something here. i know you miss the substance that i put in each and every post that is well-thought of, carefully researched, and proof written by at least 1 dozen monkeys. so instead of apologyzing or lying, i mean giving, a reason why it's been that long, i will "write" something. writing is subject to reader discretion.

certain psychologists have found a very old 1930's test where you can rate your wife based on her performance on being, well you know, a wife. husbands give plus points to wives who ask for their husbands opinions, give good jokes, and serve meals on time. on the otherhand, minus points are given if they are slow in coming to bed, wear red nail polish, and is a back seat driver.

more below:

i don't know where to start. slow in coming to bed is at the top of the list for a reason. men come in less than a minute meaning women should to. equality right? if you're not done in 2 minutes or less then you are on your own sweetheart. i'm going to bed. wait, i think he has a different meaning with regards to the word coming. hmmmm

but as with all tests, this lacks a few important questions that are relevant to this day and age. there should be a few new ones added like:

- wears thongs on a daily basis (good)

- apprehensive to go on threesomes (bad)

- allows you to put and get it in wherever and whenever you want (very good)

- tells you to go to the grocery and go with her on shopping trips (bad)

- starts the conversation with a sigh and "we've go to talk..." (very bad)

but the real question is what will happen if your wife flunks? do you get rid of her and find you a new one? we should get a ruling on this. i think this should be given before you get married then do a performance evaluation every year just like in work.

"i want to give you your evaluation for this year. take a seat."

"you got a d. you have been underperforming this year. you need to step it up a notch. stop nagging me so much about the toilet seat. me giving you a bad score hurts me as much as it hurts you."

"that is all. you may leave."

so im thinking why limit it to only wives. we should get tests on your clingy girlfriend, your stick-up-his-ass professor, user-friendly friend, and your beer-bellied boss. then if they flunk, get rid of them.

if only the world is that simple.

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Posted By: Ron - Category: nonsense

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another way to die. krispy kreme burgers.

November 22nd 2006 08:27

i actually have got nothing to say. but for the sake of posting something where you MIGHT learn something from me -- the almighty genius -- i am putting this out there.

there are a lot of ways to die so why not choose a way where you can die happy.

enter the krispy kreme burger.

just to give you some stats about it here's the run down. 10 grams of sugar, 1000 calories, all that for a mere $4.50 more or less. what an offer? but wait... there's more!

this burger is going to be your breakfast, dinner, and dessert all in one. i like burgers but there's something ain't right about this one. i like ketchup on my burger but you can't put ketchup on a doughnut. it will taste weird. with that mustard is out too. next, should we wash it down with coffee or some ice cold beer?

these are the questions that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

so throw away that rope. why waste gas by locking yourself in the car and closing the garage? forget them pills. eat around 20 of these babies flush them down with some beer and coffee and wait for death to come knocking on your door.

don't forget... that's right put in work, make your ass go berserk, eat your salad no dessert, get that man you deserve.

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Posted By: Ron - Category: nonsense

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k-fed is my hero.

November 17th 2006 05:56

a lot have been said about k-fed. he has been the butt of every joke across the country with the most recent one i heard from the tube was this knock-knock joke.

knock-knock...

who's there?

k-fed.

k-fed who?

EXACTLY.

cue in the drumroll please. ca-ching! but i want to take a different stand and boldly claim that k-fed is my hero. why?

one reason is he gives us hope that we can also score with one of the hottest chicks on the planet. at one point britney fits that description but of course, that's not the case anymore since she looks like trash. she is making a comeback though... what's that you say? she's out of your league? c'mon! if k-fed can do it. so can you!

you can learn something here. i mean, we all could learn a lot from k-fed. aside from that, you can also live off somebody else's wealth without doing a thing. imagine being a bum all day and still get to roll in those 20 inch rims, smoke fine weed, and party in the hottest places with all that cash to spend. it's like you have found your own personal money making machine. what's that you say? you can't find a job? no problem! be like k-fed. go find yourself a rich AND dumb chick to take you in.

after banging britney, everything opened up for him. he created opportunities for himself. he got into rapping which he had no talent whatsoever but did he care? heck no. so you say you don't have talent? just show them the money, then you can make your own rap album even without knowing a single thing about rapping.

but the most important thing we can learn from him is this. remember, this is very important. never sign a pre-nup! aside from that...let's raise our glasses to my hero, k-fed.

you are an inspiration.

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Posted By: Ron - Category: nonsense

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